rose_griffes (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rose_griffes) wrote2007-02-18 07:24 am
rose_griffes) wrote2007-02-18 07:24 am
Entry tags:
- bsg,
- clothes,
- crossover fic,
- muse,
- myfic
bad crossover fic
BSG/What Not To Wear
Kara/Leoben, Stacy London, Clinton Kelly, OC's
PG--fake swearing, kissing, bad wardrobes
not beta'd b/c I was too embarrassed to ask
plus I'm not posting this anywhere else except possibly![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
awfulbgfic
Sorry. My muse made me do it.
my too-long list of premises:
1. The fleet reached Earth
2. There are sleeper cylons
3. Kara's sort-of dating a Leoben. okay, I once wrote that, but the list isn't done
4. Leoben is dumb enough to nominate Kara for a wardrobe makeover
5. I'm writing about video editing as if I had a clue... hah!
Clinton Kelly and Stacy London are the hosts of "What Not To Wear" (the US/Canada version). They surprise their victims, who are usually nominated by friends or family, throw away must of the victim's current wardrobe and give the victim a bunch of money and new fashion rules for shopping. Mark and Julie are the OC's.
When Mark stepped into the editing booth he heard Julie's chair squeaking. She was sitting with her legs crossed lotus-style on her office chair, hands on the console in front of her. He smiled--Julie bouncing in her chair was a good sign. The crazy show participants were much more fun to edit than the thankful, sweet ones. He walked quietly behind Julie's chair and gave it a push, sending her spinning into the corner.
"Hey!" She gave him the obligatory glare for a moment and kicked off the wall to move her chair back, then asked, "How was the business trip? Sufficiently boring?"
"Yeah, I think it met the boredom quotient."
"Better you than me."
"So where are we with this one?" Mark asked.
"I've got the teaser locked down, but I wanted to run it by you."
Hey, is this the one with a blonde woman named Kara?"
Julie turned and looked at him. "What have you heard?" she asked. She sounded irritated.
"Nothing, just that she was a good one. Why?"
She wrinkled her nose and said, "I just didn't want anyone to spoil it for you."
When one of them had to begin editing without the other it was tradition to wait to insert the narration track. That way they could both watch and look for mistakes. Plus it was fun to add in sarcastic comments for the one who hadn't seen any of the tape yet. Julie cued up the work she'd done to the beginning, the corner clock reading 0:00. She started the tape; a shot of skyscrapers passed, and another city shot, then a blonde woman was onscreen; she looked to be in her mid or late-twenties.
Julie said, "This is Kara Thrace. She thinks she's hot." Julie had put in several quick shots of her: walking down the sidewalk in really low-slung olive-drab pants, a sports bra and a mostly-unzipped hoodie; sprawled in a chair in a classroom wearing paint-splattered sweats; dressed in the same olive pants and hoodie, walking in a mall with a tall man and a little girl; sweatpants again, while she wandered out of a brick building. 20 seconds so far.
Mimicking the calm enthusiasm of the usual voiceover narration Julie added, "She's an extra-terrestrial going through job training!"
Mark kept a close eye on the monitor and asked, "Extra-terrestrial?!"
"Yeah, she's one of those Colonials."
"Cool."
"She sure thinks so. She dresses like G.I. Slut and her crazy boyfriend thinks she deserves new clothes because she's about to finish job training."
Mark looked closely at the blonde woman, this shot taking place in the studio’s 360-degree mirror. She had short hair that looked like it was cut with gardening tools, a big mouth, no makeup and a really inappropriate sense of fashion--the same black sports bra was in full view with the hoodie unzipped, and her hip-riding sweatpants were tucked into the top of the combat boots. She was hot, though. Stacy London was saying something to her about not wearing that outfit in public. Kara looked mulish, her chin stuck out and lips pressed together tightly.
The tall man who was walking with her in the earlier clip (he looked like GI-Joe with his angular jaw and short-cropped hair) showed up next. He shifted uncomfortably and said, "Well, Kara's never been concerned about clothes." He looked like he was trying not to laugh. "I'm sure she'll appreciate the help." Julie had cut right after that line, but Mark still caught the beginning of the snicker. 45 seconds.
A man with dark blond hair popped onscreen, standing outside a closet door holding paint-splattered sweatpants and tees. "That's her boyfriend," said Julie. He was wearing an orange tee shirt with a faded logo under an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt; his hair was short and a bit spiky.
"Doesn't he need this more than she does?" Mark asked. Julie didn't answer. The man onscreen was saying something about Kara needing more flow in her wardrobe.
Next was a shot of Stacy, Clinton and Kara, examining her small wardrobe at the New York studio. “Do you even own anything that's not black, gray or olive green?” asked Stacy.
Kara defiantly pointed out paint splotches. “Look, orange and red and yellow right here.”
Another studio shot, this time of a mannequin wearing a knee-length pink skirt, a tailored white jacket, a cream-colored top and elaborate gold chains. Kara was looking unimpressed, saying, “You honestly think I’d wear pink?!” 1:20 and the screen faded to black.
"Credits in here," said Julie and hit the pause button. "I started on the next part too, up until the reveal. What do you think so far?"
"Looks good. Maybe we could put in a quick shot of her trying something on in a store to round it out."
"Okay," Julie replied, sliding her feet up on the console and pressing play again.
Stacy and Clinton were sitting in an otherwise-empty classroom with their portable monitor. "Let's get a look at Kara," said Clinton, his tall frame jammed awkwardly into the small desk.
“Great!” replied Stacy and hit a button. Julie had inserted the shots: Kara wearing a pair of low-slung shorts (or possibly pants cut off at the knees), two tank tops layered and no shoes, walking through a grassy section of what appeared to be a park.
Clinton said, “Well, she's got a great figure and she's clearly in awesome shape.”
"Yeah, which we're seeing quite a bit of in those clothes," replied Stacy.
Next was a shot of Kara in the mall again, being interviewed by someone off-camera, saying "My fashion sense?" She laughed. "Um... I don't usually think about it. Unless there's some special occasion, I just wear what's comfortable. I got these," she pointed to her combat boots, "at an Army surplus store. They're great! They were the first things I bought once I got out of the internment camp."
"Well, her boyfriend nominated her, and I can see why," Clinton said. "She's about to get her first job after training, and she can't keep dressing like she's in the military or fourteen."
"Or a boy, because clearly she's not," Stacy added.
The boyfriend showed up on the footage again, holding up a very faded sports jacket with a hard-to-read logo embroidered on the sleeve. "She won't let go of her old clothes. Her wardrobe is holding her back. She's like a river that's been dammed behind debris."
Mark looked over at Julie. "You want to keep that?"
Julie replied, "Hey, that's one of the more normal things he said when he talked about her. You should hear what I cut."
The shot shifted back to Stacy and Clinton; he was looking at their portable monitor saying something about all of her clothes being debris, as far as he could see. Then Clinton turned to Stacy and said, "Well, let's go find Kara." They stood and started walking toward a door.
The picture froze as Julie hit the pause button again. She said, "Okay, this is as far as I've gotten. I'm having a little trouble deciding what to put in from Stacy and Clinton's reveal."
"What's the deal?" She didn't answer; she just looked at him and grinned. Mark knew that look. "Does anyone get hurt?" he asked with a laugh.
"Just watch." Mark raised his eyebrows but turned toward the screen and Julie restarted the film.
The view switched to inside a classroom; Kara was chatting with a group of better-dressed students. Class was over. They went into the hallway where Kara was suddenly confronted with her boyfriend, Clinton, Stacy and a group of others who looked like cubicle moles, pale-skinned and nerdy. Kara looked flummoxed to see her boyfriend there and didn't appear to notice the others. Stuttering, she said, "Um, what are you doing here?" Her classmates glared at the boyfriend.
Stacy and Clinton came closer, pulling Kara in for a sideways hug from each direction. The brunette said sweetly, "Hi, I'm Stacy."
"And I'm Clinton. And we're from TLC's What Not To Wear!" The group of nerds, apparently the boyfriend’s work buddies, all cheered while Kara's classmates looked confused.
Stacy continued. "Your boyfriend thinks you could use a little help with your wardrobe. And we have to agree."
"We've been secretly filming you for the past two weeks. And we've seen the sweatpants, the paint stains, the sports bra, all your wardrobe." Clinton was holding onto Kara's shoulder. She was looking stunned and didn't say anything.
"So to help you get ready for your first job on Earth, we have a credit card with your name on it and five thousand dollars for you to spend on a whole new wardrobe!" Kara didn't react to their statements; she stared at her boyfriend.
"But there's a catch."
Before Clinton could explain what the catch was Kara pulled away from him and charged toward the boyfriend. She shrieked, "You frakkin' toaster" and dove at him, swinging her fists.
Mark turned to Julie. "Frakking? Toaster? What's that? We don't need to bleep any of that, do we?" Julie didn't answer; she just kept staring at the monitor. He looked back at the screen and was surprised to see that the boyfriend had already neutralized the threat. He had Kara against a wall, one of his hands holding both of hers over her head. She was breathing heavily, he wasn't. His head was tilted as he looked at her. He appeared surprisingly calm for a man who was shoving his girlfriend against a wall in front of a camera.
Mark glanced at Julie--she was leaning forward, eyes open wide. He looked back at the monitor. Suddenly, instead of glaring at her boyfriend, Kara arched forward, her lips coming into contact with his. Peeking at Julie again, Mark smiled at the mesmerized look on her face. He wondered how many times she had watched this scene. "So, Jules, you into bondage now?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" She tried to sound sassy but the pink of her cheeks spoiled the effect. He couldn't help laughing. She slugged his arm, hard, and he slugged back.
"Love you too, Jules," he said.
"Yeah, you know it."
Back on the monitor Kara now had her boyfriend pushed against the wall. She had one hand behind his head, pulling him closer, and the other hand fisted in his shirt. "Wow, I love a take-charge woman," Mark said.
Onscreen Stacy walked across the camera's line of site and barked at the couple, "Hey, over here." The two continued kissing. Stacy turned to the camera and said, "Looks like you can take a break for a moment." Mark muttered, "Get out of the way, Stacy." Instead of the screen going black, though, the camera wove around Stacy and zoomed in closer to their faces.
"How much longer does this go on?" Mark asked with a big grin.
"Not much longer. But wait 'til you see the scene where Stacey tries to throw away some of her old clothes." Julie was bouncing up and down in her chair again with a goofy grin on her face.
The End
Kara/Leoben, Stacy London, Clinton Kelly, OC's
PG--fake swearing, kissing, bad wardrobes
not beta'd b/c I was too embarrassed to ask
plus I'm not posting this anywhere else except possibly
awfulbgficSorry. My muse made me do it.
my too-long list of premises:
1. The fleet reached Earth
2. There are sleeper cylons
3. Kara's sort-of dating a Leoben. okay, I once wrote that, but the list isn't done
4. Leoben is dumb enough to nominate Kara for a wardrobe makeover
5. I'm writing about video editing as if I had a clue... hah!
Clinton Kelly and Stacy London are the hosts of "What Not To Wear" (the US/Canada version). They surprise their victims, who are usually nominated by friends or family, throw away must of the victim's current wardrobe and give the victim a bunch of money and new fashion rules for shopping. Mark and Julie are the OC's.
When Mark stepped into the editing booth he heard Julie's chair squeaking. She was sitting with her legs crossed lotus-style on her office chair, hands on the console in front of her. He smiled--Julie bouncing in her chair was a good sign. The crazy show participants were much more fun to edit than the thankful, sweet ones. He walked quietly behind Julie's chair and gave it a push, sending her spinning into the corner.
"Hey!" She gave him the obligatory glare for a moment and kicked off the wall to move her chair back, then asked, "How was the business trip? Sufficiently boring?"
"Yeah, I think it met the boredom quotient."
"Better you than me."
"So where are we with this one?" Mark asked.
"I've got the teaser locked down, but I wanted to run it by you."
Hey, is this the one with a blonde woman named Kara?"
Julie turned and looked at him. "What have you heard?" she asked. She sounded irritated.
"Nothing, just that she was a good one. Why?"
She wrinkled her nose and said, "I just didn't want anyone to spoil it for you."
When one of them had to begin editing without the other it was tradition to wait to insert the narration track. That way they could both watch and look for mistakes. Plus it was fun to add in sarcastic comments for the one who hadn't seen any of the tape yet. Julie cued up the work she'd done to the beginning, the corner clock reading 0:00. She started the tape; a shot of skyscrapers passed, and another city shot, then a blonde woman was onscreen; she looked to be in her mid or late-twenties.
Julie said, "This is Kara Thrace. She thinks she's hot." Julie had put in several quick shots of her: walking down the sidewalk in really low-slung olive-drab pants, a sports bra and a mostly-unzipped hoodie; sprawled in a chair in a classroom wearing paint-splattered sweats; dressed in the same olive pants and hoodie, walking in a mall with a tall man and a little girl; sweatpants again, while she wandered out of a brick building. 20 seconds so far.
Mimicking the calm enthusiasm of the usual voiceover narration Julie added, "She's an extra-terrestrial going through job training!"
Mark kept a close eye on the monitor and asked, "Extra-terrestrial?!"
"Yeah, she's one of those Colonials."
"Cool."
"She sure thinks so. She dresses like G.I. Slut and her crazy boyfriend thinks she deserves new clothes because she's about to finish job training."
Mark looked closely at the blonde woman, this shot taking place in the studio’s 360-degree mirror. She had short hair that looked like it was cut with gardening tools, a big mouth, no makeup and a really inappropriate sense of fashion--the same black sports bra was in full view with the hoodie unzipped, and her hip-riding sweatpants were tucked into the top of the combat boots. She was hot, though. Stacy London was saying something to her about not wearing that outfit in public. Kara looked mulish, her chin stuck out and lips pressed together tightly.
The tall man who was walking with her in the earlier clip (he looked like GI-Joe with his angular jaw and short-cropped hair) showed up next. He shifted uncomfortably and said, "Well, Kara's never been concerned about clothes." He looked like he was trying not to laugh. "I'm sure she'll appreciate the help." Julie had cut right after that line, but Mark still caught the beginning of the snicker. 45 seconds.
A man with dark blond hair popped onscreen, standing outside a closet door holding paint-splattered sweatpants and tees. "That's her boyfriend," said Julie. He was wearing an orange tee shirt with a faded logo under an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt; his hair was short and a bit spiky.
"Doesn't he need this more than she does?" Mark asked. Julie didn't answer. The man onscreen was saying something about Kara needing more flow in her wardrobe.
Next was a shot of Stacy, Clinton and Kara, examining her small wardrobe at the New York studio. “Do you even own anything that's not black, gray or olive green?” asked Stacy.
Kara defiantly pointed out paint splotches. “Look, orange and red and yellow right here.”
Another studio shot, this time of a mannequin wearing a knee-length pink skirt, a tailored white jacket, a cream-colored top and elaborate gold chains. Kara was looking unimpressed, saying, “You honestly think I’d wear pink?!” 1:20 and the screen faded to black.
"Credits in here," said Julie and hit the pause button. "I started on the next part too, up until the reveal. What do you think so far?"
"Looks good. Maybe we could put in a quick shot of her trying something on in a store to round it out."
"Okay," Julie replied, sliding her feet up on the console and pressing play again.
Stacy and Clinton were sitting in an otherwise-empty classroom with their portable monitor. "Let's get a look at Kara," said Clinton, his tall frame jammed awkwardly into the small desk.
“Great!” replied Stacy and hit a button. Julie had inserted the shots: Kara wearing a pair of low-slung shorts (or possibly pants cut off at the knees), two tank tops layered and no shoes, walking through a grassy section of what appeared to be a park.
Clinton said, “Well, she's got a great figure and she's clearly in awesome shape.”
"Yeah, which we're seeing quite a bit of in those clothes," replied Stacy.
Next was a shot of Kara in the mall again, being interviewed by someone off-camera, saying "My fashion sense?" She laughed. "Um... I don't usually think about it. Unless there's some special occasion, I just wear what's comfortable. I got these," she pointed to her combat boots, "at an Army surplus store. They're great! They were the first things I bought once I got out of the internment camp."
"Well, her boyfriend nominated her, and I can see why," Clinton said. "She's about to get her first job after training, and she can't keep dressing like she's in the military or fourteen."
"Or a boy, because clearly she's not," Stacy added.
The boyfriend showed up on the footage again, holding up a very faded sports jacket with a hard-to-read logo embroidered on the sleeve. "She won't let go of her old clothes. Her wardrobe is holding her back. She's like a river that's been dammed behind debris."
Mark looked over at Julie. "You want to keep that?"
Julie replied, "Hey, that's one of the more normal things he said when he talked about her. You should hear what I cut."
The shot shifted back to Stacy and Clinton; he was looking at their portable monitor saying something about all of her clothes being debris, as far as he could see. Then Clinton turned to Stacy and said, "Well, let's go find Kara." They stood and started walking toward a door.
The picture froze as Julie hit the pause button again. She said, "Okay, this is as far as I've gotten. I'm having a little trouble deciding what to put in from Stacy and Clinton's reveal."
"What's the deal?" She didn't answer; she just looked at him and grinned. Mark knew that look. "Does anyone get hurt?" he asked with a laugh.
"Just watch." Mark raised his eyebrows but turned toward the screen and Julie restarted the film.
The view switched to inside a classroom; Kara was chatting with a group of better-dressed students. Class was over. They went into the hallway where Kara was suddenly confronted with her boyfriend, Clinton, Stacy and a group of others who looked like cubicle moles, pale-skinned and nerdy. Kara looked flummoxed to see her boyfriend there and didn't appear to notice the others. Stuttering, she said, "Um, what are you doing here?" Her classmates glared at the boyfriend.
Stacy and Clinton came closer, pulling Kara in for a sideways hug from each direction. The brunette said sweetly, "Hi, I'm Stacy."
"And I'm Clinton. And we're from TLC's What Not To Wear!" The group of nerds, apparently the boyfriend’s work buddies, all cheered while Kara's classmates looked confused.
Stacy continued. "Your boyfriend thinks you could use a little help with your wardrobe. And we have to agree."
"We've been secretly filming you for the past two weeks. And we've seen the sweatpants, the paint stains, the sports bra, all your wardrobe." Clinton was holding onto Kara's shoulder. She was looking stunned and didn't say anything.
"So to help you get ready for your first job on Earth, we have a credit card with your name on it and five thousand dollars for you to spend on a whole new wardrobe!" Kara didn't react to their statements; she stared at her boyfriend.
"But there's a catch."
Before Clinton could explain what the catch was Kara pulled away from him and charged toward the boyfriend. She shrieked, "You frakkin' toaster" and dove at him, swinging her fists.
Mark turned to Julie. "Frakking? Toaster? What's that? We don't need to bleep any of that, do we?" Julie didn't answer; she just kept staring at the monitor. He looked back at the screen and was surprised to see that the boyfriend had already neutralized the threat. He had Kara against a wall, one of his hands holding both of hers over her head. She was breathing heavily, he wasn't. His head was tilted as he looked at her. He appeared surprisingly calm for a man who was shoving his girlfriend against a wall in front of a camera.
Mark glanced at Julie--she was leaning forward, eyes open wide. He looked back at the monitor. Suddenly, instead of glaring at her boyfriend, Kara arched forward, her lips coming into contact with his. Peeking at Julie again, Mark smiled at the mesmerized look on her face. He wondered how many times she had watched this scene. "So, Jules, you into bondage now?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" She tried to sound sassy but the pink of her cheeks spoiled the effect. He couldn't help laughing. She slugged his arm, hard, and he slugged back.
"Love you too, Jules," he said.
"Yeah, you know it."
Back on the monitor Kara now had her boyfriend pushed against the wall. She had one hand behind his head, pulling him closer, and the other hand fisted in his shirt. "Wow, I love a take-charge woman," Mark said.
Onscreen Stacy walked across the camera's line of site and barked at the couple, "Hey, over here." The two continued kissing. Stacy turned to the camera and said, "Looks like you can take a break for a moment." Mark muttered, "Get out of the way, Stacy." Instead of the screen going black, though, the camera wove around Stacy and zoomed in closer to their faces.
"How much longer does this go on?" Mark asked with a big grin.
"Not much longer. But wait 'til you see the scene where Stacey tries to throw away some of her old clothes." Julie was bouncing up and down in her chair again with a goofy grin on her face.
The End
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It would have been great to read about Kara fashion shopping.
Yeah, I'm guessing she would be one of the more defiant shoppers, buying new sweatpants and being a total pain about it when shopping alone.
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"'Doesn't he need this more than she does?' Mark asked."
This is kind of the funniest line ever.
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Thanks! I have to admit to giggling wildly when I thought of it.
(I think Leoben just secretly wants Kara to get rid of her C-Bucs jacket.)
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Again, very enjoyable!
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She's like a river that's been dammed behind debris. Hee!
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