rose_griffes | depression and phone calls and how ignoring the problem didn't make it any better

I haven't updated about dealing with depression for a while. Mostly because I had nothing to say: it was still there and I wasn't dealing with it very well, and so it went. I tried two different anti-depressants during the summer of 2011; both had problematic side effects. So I decided to try therapy. Only it took me ages to actually call for an appointment, because my weird "I don't like making phone calls to ask for things, especially to people I don't know well" pattern is apparently exacerbated when I'm experiencing depression.

Finally had two appointments with the therapist, and I found it interesting and thought-provoking. Had a third appointment set up, and she had to cancel, and... I never called to reschedule. See above about phone calls.

The summer went by okay. I was traveling a lot to visit family, which is positive, and I was writing popcorn fic, which interested me. Then work started again. I think it's safe to say that within the US, people don't stay in teaching for the great monetary rewards. I like my job. But with depression, a lot of that has faded. It's been a struggle. And I'm quite certain it is the depression, and not who I am underneath that.

So I finally--finally--called my doctor again and got a prescription for another anti-depressant. This time I went in with the name of the med that both of my parents were taking at one point. (Have I mentioned the family tendency toward mental health problems? Yeah, that's definitely a thing.) It's an older anti-depressant, and the list of potential side effects is much less scary than some of the newer meds.

It's been about four weeks, but at the low starting dose, the doctor said I would be unlikely to notice any major changes. I just started the next higher dose this week. On the plus side: no loss of appetite (like with Prozac), no muscle twitches (like with Celexa). The day after my first dose I felt completely exhausted, food tasted funny and my tongue felt dry. Those first two symptoms were gone by the next day, and while I'm still feeling some dryness/thirst, it's not really a problem.

So. Better than last summer, at any rate. We'll see if this makes a difference for me. And that's the end of the update, I guess...

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I'm sorry you've been having such a rough time. I hope the meds help.

Thank you. I'm hoping they'll be helpful as well.

I'm glad you made the call, both in the first place, and then again in the second.

I... have the same issues regarding phone calls. And I took myself off Prozac almost 2 years ago now, because when I ran out once and couldn't get it refilled for a few weeks, I became suicidal. I didn't realize that was the lack of Prozac until it happened a second time, a couple of years later, and that's when I decided no more. I need to maybe try that therapy route, but I'm not really to where I can do that yet.

I hope your new medication works. ♥

A lot of the Prozac/post-Prozac anti-depressants have not just scary side effects, but also a terrifying list of effects when people try to reduce/stop the meds. I'm glad you're okay after that. Yikes.

(After my experiences with the muscle twitches, I found a huge forum about ~~Celebrex~~ Celexa, full of personal experiences about trying to reduce dosages gradually and the terrifying physical and mental effects that even gradual reduction gave these individuals. I'm glad my doctor was willing to go along with trying an older drug for me this time around. So many doctors cling to the attitude that newer is automatically better.)

((hugs)) Thanks.

Edited 2012-10-19 22:10 (UTC)

Been there, done that. I had a bad bout with depression back in 2006. My best friend and I "broke up", my boyfriend dumped me very unexpectedly, and a very, very dear friend passed away, all within a space of two or three weeks. After crying myself to sleep every night for (literally) two months a friend gently suggested that I might have a problem. I'm so glad I listened. And that one of my friends (who I never would have suspected had depression) had recently mentioned that he was "the poster boy for Welbutrin." I went shrink shopping, and after appointments with three different therapists, found one I thought I could work with.

I had, erm, tummy problems with Celexa. I had to go off it after less than a week, things were so bad. But then we tried Lexapro, and I took that for a couple of years. I tried weaning myself off it twice, unsuccessfully, but I've been off it for over a year now I think? However, if I felt like I needed it, my doctor has no problem writing me a new script.

Keep trying until you find a therapist you can work with. Keep trying until you find medication that works with your brain chemistry. Once it all kicks in, OH MY GOD, it's so worth it. One of the best things I ever did for myself.

*encouraging virtual hugs*

Oh wow, your 2006 sounds like a personal recipe for depression.

I can pinpoint some specific things that probably contributed to mine, although there's also a long family history of mental illness, on both sides of the family. Thank goodness my mother decided that she was going to break the taboo, and talk about it openly. It meant that I knew to pay attention when the symptoms had been there for a bit, and that there are things to try to address it. Unfortunately no one can make the phone calls for me in order to get me to try those things.

Celexa has some of the worst side effects and worst "get off the meds" problems that I've ever seen. It's scary. Presumably it works well enough for a significant set of the population, but when I read about those problems, I had even more motivation to stop using it after just a week. (And the muscle twitches it gave me were keeping me awake, which was already bad enough with depression, so... yeah. Glad to stop.)

I am planning to try therapy again soon-ish. I do want to give the meds some time to do their job, though. I can really tell a difference in my thought processes on good days versus bad days; it's really striking how that negative self-chatter just seems to show up instantly when it's a bad day.

Thanks. ((hugs back))

But the worst thing about the Celexa is that it's cheaper than Lexapro, and we know how insurance companies like cheaper alternatives.. So every time I changed jobs/insurance companies, they'd say, "There's a cheaper alternative. Have you tried Celexa?" And I'd shout, "YES, it doesn't agree with me!" Argh! Did they think I was taking a more expensive med just because I like spending money?

And I hear you on the negative self chatter. I like to say that what the Lexapro did for me was take away the megaphone from my Inner Critic. The thoughts were still there, but a lot quieter.

I am glad that you are trying something that seems to help family. My shrink, when I was seeing one, carefully asked about what other people in the family were finding effective, and his explanation made sense - if my brother didn't find zoloft effective, then since we're genetically similar, I might not find it effective either.

Yeah, my doctor and I talked about just that. So I'm hopeful about this one, since both of my parents found it effective, and since it's at least not causing horrible side effects.

I didn't know about the phone thing. I'll try to call you at some point. I'm super-busy right now but it's good to know things like that. And I like talking to you!

When you have time, you might want to try therapy again. With the anti-depressant it might be a good thing.

Callum icon just cause. :-)

The phone thing: the depression doesn't just affect my "don't wanna call strangers" attitude, it affects how much I'm calling friends and family as well. Though it took me a while to admit it to myself. That was one of the reasons I finally pushed myself to try another anti-depressant.

I love your Callum icon so much. If you ever consider deleting it, you'll have to let me know first so I can snag a copy for myself. (As long as you have it, though, it's yours. For me. Heh. ;-))

I'm seriously considering therapy again, yes. Thanks for the encouragement.

Just a simple comment - I hope things feel more at ease for you soon, and that whatever you choose to do, works.

Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

I hate that you are going through this. I hope the new medication works. I definitely know about the med-go-round that is psychiatry.

Thank you.

depression and phone calls and how ignoring the problem didn't make it any better

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