Saturday morning missives

[rose_griffes]

Dear grocery conglomerate that will soon take over the world,

Congratulations! You made grocery shopping this morning almost painless. Instead of a center aisle crowded with "bargains" you had a lovely wide expanse of clean floor, with cashiers hovering at the edge. Not dodging by full display bins? Enough cashiers to deal with the Saturday shoppers? This may be a sign of the impending apocalypse.

I have faith, though. Next time I'm there you'll have dirty floors covered with unnecessary plastic objects marked down to sell fast and I'll have to wait for 20 minutes for someone to give me a total.

Temporarily thankful,
me


Dear gas station,

What are you trying to do to your clients? It's bad enough that I'm forced to listen to your fuel additive commercials but now I'm expected to watch "Gas Station T.V." at the same time? If I wanted to see clips from "Desperate Housewives" I'd find a way to do so at home.

Annoyed,
me


Dear upscale grocery store,

The only reason I visit you is to buy my favorite brand of yoghurt (plain with the cream top). I don't need a gaggle of teenaged workers at every turn to ask me how I'm doing today. I see enough insincere teenagers at work.

No love for you,
me


Dear Brain,

It's really hard to make beef stroganoff if you forget to buy the beef. It was even on the list! What were you thinking?

Hungrily,
Mouth and Stomach


Dear Mouth and Stomach,

Please stop buying junk food. Do you know how much work you're making for us?

Plaintively,
Tush and Hips