rose_griffes: (Default)
rose_griffes ([personal profile] rose_griffes) wrote2008-07-07 03:05 pm
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BSG ficlet (reveals yet again my clothing obsession)

This is what happens when I get to watch What Not to Wear again. Spoilers for Battlestar Galactica episode 4.3ish.

An Eight--she called herself Andrea--stood naked in the center of the room. She was completely still, arms raised above her head in a graceful pose... while a centurion took her measurements. "This time I want a pleated skirt, something with a lot of fullness." Andrea twirled to demonstrate that she wanted something that could swish, then looked at the centurion. It shook its head once. "Okay, fine," she snapped. "Make it a tulip skirt."

As the centurion left a platinum-haired Six entered. She had an angry frown on her face but waited to speak until the centurion was out of sight. "Do you know what one of those things did?" she said with a fierce whisper, pointing down the hallway in the direction the centurion had gone. "Look!" She held out a box.

Andrea took it and read aloud: "Lady May's hair color for women. Dark honey blonde."

"Can you believe it?!" The Six was incensed. "I didn't ask for an opinion! Besides, what do they know?"

With a rather unsympathetic smile Andrea replied, "It could've been worse. Three of the scissor-hand centurions brought me an eight-page printout of what clothing styles are most flattering to my figure."

* * *

Natalie pressed her lips together, counted to ten in her head and tried again. "Yes, the black pumps you brought me do match the belt. But sometimes you don't want to be too matchy-matchy. These silver heels," she held them up for emphasis, "don't clash but make a nice contrast with the darker color."

The centurion looked at the metallic sandals, then held up the black heels again with an insistent manner. Natalie wasn't sure but she thought maybe its red eye-sensor was moving faster than before... like it was agitated. So she took the black shoes.

* * *

Leoben turned to his fellow Two. "Would you look at this," he spluttered. "These pants have been pressed! And I can't find any of our floral print shirts!"

His duplicate nodded sadly. "They can think now but they still don't see the patterns that we see." He pointed to his own plain tee and neat flat-front trousers with a wistful shrug.

[identity profile] palmetto.livejournal.com 2008-07-07 08:49 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm reminded of this:

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-07 09:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Um... this would make more sense if I knew what show it was and the context of the picture. Doctor Who, maybe? Are those cybermen (and cyberwomen)? (I haven't even finished season one of new Who, though I'm spoiled rotten for what happens in later seasons.)

[identity profile] palmetto.livejournal.com 2008-07-07 09:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, okay. That's Jack in the middle, he's an intergalactic omnisexual playboy conman with a heart of gold.

The robots are robot versions of Trinny and Susannah from the UK What Not To Wear. No, I'm not kidding. They have a gun that shoots his clothes off.

(This happens in episode 1x12.)

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-07 09:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Heee! Very amusing. I've heard of Captain Jack, but I'm used to seeing pics of him with a cheesy smile on his face.

I'd love to watch the UK's WNTW someday.

[identity profile] palmetto.livejournal.com 2008-07-07 09:41 pm (UTC)(link)
I know they used to show it on BBCA, which is how I first saw it. It was probably the first time that I got one of those UK references without having to look it up.

(Can the Centurions please deck one of the Eights out in punk gear? You know it'd be adorable.)

[identity profile] daera23.livejournal.com 2008-07-08 01:20 am (UTC)(link)
your're missing the defabricator! and John Barrowamn's naked bum. or pixelated naked bum in the dvd extra's

[identity profile] palmetto.livejournal.com 2008-07-08 05:58 am (UTC)(link)
I didn't have a shot of that in my pics folder, alas!

[identity profile] millari.livejournal.com 2008-07-11 07:04 am (UTC)(link)
YES, TOTALLY!

We don't know each other, but you are awesome for having put this image in my head....

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/wisteria_/ 2008-07-07 09:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Can Andrea please come redo my closet? Then again, the Eights have this new tendency to wear powder blue twinsets, so I'm not sure I'd want to dress like the Cylon version of a country club.

Fun ficlet!

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-07 09:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks!

the Eights have this new tendency to wear powder blue twinsets, so I'm not sure I'd want to dress like the Cylon version of a country club

Yeah, and the Sixes keep wearing those skimpy tops and the Threes love their plunging necklines... honestly, it makes the Twos' crazy wardrobe seem relatively normal.

[identity profile] artemis-90.livejournal.com 2008-07-07 09:55 pm (UTC)(link)
This was hilarious!
You give Centurions free-will, then all they want to do is dress you...

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-07 11:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks! I could seriously write more of this... Heh.

[identity profile] artemis-90.livejournal.com 2008-07-08 12:09 am (UTC)(link)
Oh please do!
ancarett: (Mischief Six BSG)

[personal profile] ancarett 2008-07-07 10:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Hee! I'd be very concerned with those scissor-handed centurions, yes indeedy. What will happen if they get let loose on the human fleet? I shudder to think how they'll approach the colonials' uniforms. But they could only improve Lee Adama's bad taste in off-duty shirts!

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-07 11:40 pm (UTC)(link)
I'd rather have them fix his hair than his shirts. Hee!

[identity profile] pataka02.livejournal.com 2008-07-07 10:38 pm (UTC)(link)
*is gleeful*

Pretty, pretty Cylons!

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-07 11:40 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm glad you approve! *g*
ext_10249: (six)

[identity profile] nicole-anell.livejournal.com 2008-07-07 11:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Natalie used the words "matchy-matchy".

*FLAILS*

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-08 01:02 am (UTC)(link)
*laughs*
The silver heels were an homage to 'Like Rogue Unicorns'!

[identity profile] daera23.livejournal.com 2008-07-08 01:19 am (UTC)(link)
Leoben turned to his fellow Two. "Would you look at this," he spluttered. "These pants have been pressed! And I can't find any of our floral print shirts!"

His duplicate nodded sadly. "They can think now but they still don't see the patterns that we see." He pointed to his own plain tee and neat flat-front trousers with a wistful shrug.


LMAO!

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-08 12:39 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[identity profile] demonqueen666.livejournal.com 2008-07-08 02:42 am (UTC)(link)
Buh dun CHING. So, you give them free will and the first thing they do is develop fashion sense? (So that's what got into the Twos.)

I LOL'd. Nicely done.

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-08 12:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you!

(So that's what got into the Twos.)
Yeah, that one wide shot with two Twos wearing boring identical clothes obviously needed an explanation. Heh.

[identity profile] daybreak777.livejournal.com 2008-07-08 03:20 am (UTC)(link)
Hee! You wrote scissor hands! Heh. The real reason the Centurions are going to revolt. They can't take the fashion errors. ;-)

You know I love your What Not to Wear series!


[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-08 12:41 pm (UTC)(link)
You know I love your What Not to Wear series!

I have a fic series... yikes.
*laughs*
ext_7442: (bsg: athena)

[identity profile] amathela.livejournal.com 2008-07-08 05:51 am (UTC)(link)
OMG - I love it! I would give anything for this to be on my TV ;)

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-08 12:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Heh, I know! I'd love to watch something like this!

[identity profile] frolicndetour.livejournal.com 2008-07-08 07:49 am (UTC)(link)
:wipes tears:


Andrea took it and read aloud: "Lady May's hair color for women. Dark honey blonde."

Listen to the wise toaster!

Okay, the Natalie part nearly killed me but then:

His duplicate nodded sadly. "They can think now but they still don't see the patterns that we see." He pointed to his own plain tee and neat flat-front trousers with a wistful shrug.

*HOWLS*

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-08 12:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Yay, I'm pleased you enjoyed it!

[identity profile] queenofthorns.livejournal.com 2008-07-09 11:51 am (UTC)(link)
Heeee! Hilarious! You know, just yesterday I was speculating on whether the Centurions doubled up as tailors, because I was wondering where the policemen's uniforms came from on New Caprica :D Obviously, as you have demonstrated, the Centurions are multi-talented. And they'll kill you if you don't take their suggestions on your wardrobe!

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-09 01:04 pm (UTC)(link)
just yesterday I was speculating on whether the Centurions doubled up as tailors, because I was wondering where the policemen's uniforms came from on New Caprica :D

Yeah, it's only logical--otherwise where's all that stuff coming from?! I've actually wanted to write something about the tailor centurions for sooo long... heh. I'm guessing they may pop up again in something else I write.

Anyway, thanks for commenting, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[identity profile] millari.livejournal.com 2008-07-11 07:08 am (UTC)(link)
YAY! I love when you go on your Cylon fashion fic binges!

The only thought scarier than the freewill!Centurions ascending to a higher state of fashion consciousness and deciding to dress up the skinjobs is the thought of them trying to use their makeup-applicator hands. ;p

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-15 02:35 am (UTC)(link)
Hee, makeup-hands! Hm...

[identity profile] dionusia.livejournal.com 2008-07-16 10:05 pm (UTC)(link)
BWAHAHA! This is so genius!

Natalie pressed her lips together, counted to ten in her head and tried again. "Yes, the black pumps you brought me do match the belt. But sometimes you don't want to be too matchy-matchy. These silver heels," she held them up for emphasis, "don't clash but make a nice contrast with the darker color."

I can't stop giggling. I have a private theory that the Centurion was agitated because the silver heels clashed with him. Or it. Haaa!

I also wonder if the skinjob Cylons did all their shopping from a One True Catalog, before they got more individuality. There were all sorts of cropped jackets and fluttery tops for 6s and 8s, and the 8s also favored the Cargo Look. Cavil has settled on Retired Indiana Jones, Leoben gets these cool casual beach shirts (good for relaxing by the STREAM?), whereas Simon just gets the doctor jacket, and Doral must order his suits and jackets and ties in colors like Dayglo Blue and I'm-Not-A-Cylon Orange.

Man, they were all in ruts. Yay for Centurions, dictators of style!

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2008-07-21 11:30 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm glad you enjoyed this.

Hee, I like the One True Catalog idea!

[identity profile] lls-mutant.livejournal.com 2009-08-10 12:12 am (UTC)(link)
::giggles hysterically:: Oh, thank you. I needed a laugh tonight and this was just perfect!!!!!!

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2009-08-10 03:12 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[identity profile] imelda72.livejournal.com 2010-04-25 08:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Just adding to the chorus:

"They can think now but they still don't see the patterns that we see."

Bwahahahahahaa!! :-D

[identity profile] rose-griffes.livejournal.com 2010-04-26 01:51 am (UTC)(link)
Aw, I'm glad you enjoyed it! This was definitely a blast to write, so I'm pleased it was fun to read as well.