a longish self-indulgent post!

[rose_griffes]

Almost forgot, it's been one year since I started my LJ account. So here's some stuff about writing fanfic, since that's a big part of why I have an LJ.

After less than a month of reading fanfic I woke up one morning in early December 2006 with an idea of my own. Before then I'd thought that writing something would be fun, but no thanks. This idea wouldn't leave me alone, though. So I started writing. The result was Prophecy, set in the future (fleet's on Earth now), Kara/Leoben.

Season three of BSG started off in a way I never expected.* Kara's captivity with Leoben, him acting like the 'loving husband,' her killing him over and over. It was riveting, thanks in large degree to the amazing chemistry Katee Sackhoff and Callum Rennie have when they're onscreen together.** Having been well-taught by shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when Leoben tells Kara that he's seen a path where she'll embrace him and tell him that she loves him, my brain immediately went into overdrive trying to figure out how we might get from here (crazy robot imprisoning heroine) to there (love and embrace?).***

In other words, me writing fanfic is really Joss Whedon's fault, since he trained me to believe in TV prophecies. *g*

The basic thought that woke me up was the idea of the Colonial fleet and sleeper cylons on Earth. Other pieces came to me almost immediately: the Colonials are stuck there; the population on Earth doesn't recognize the potential threat.

A lot of the story flowed naturally for me. I've had experience living as the outsider in a foreign culture and I've now lived more than a decade in an area with a high percentage of immigrants in the population. Other details about why those on Earth didn't accept information about the Cylons were easy to resolve as well--language barriers, no known cylons alive because I killed Sharon en route, ships confiscated by a concerned North American military so the fleet couldn't leave...

I couldn't sleep. The experience was terrifying and exhilarating. It didn't matter that I hadn't written fiction since high school because the story forced me to write anyway. In mid-December I set up an LJ account because I knew I wanted to post it somewhere. (Innate vanity--the story wasn't finished yet and I was already scheming where to post it.) I finished during Christmas vacation and posted it to my LJ on December 23. I then asked natalexx to take a look at it. She was very gracious about it and found a few verb-tense problems and comma issues.

I posted it to trial_by_water on December 30, 2006. And people commented and said nice things! It was cool!

Looking at it now, the story has some writing flaws. Plus it's a very Kara/Leoben shippy story (I blame that stupid prophecy), which I don't actually like to read as much as Leoben scheming and plotting; he doesn't do that much as a sleeper cylon in my story. At least not on the surface. I think was becoming self-aware near the end but he refused to tell me. Heh. Also, I might have been in full Leoben squishy love when I wrote it.

The story doesn't really have a happy ending (in my opinion, but what do I know?). It does get Kara to fulfill Leoben's prophecy from early season three--that she would embrace him and tell him that she loves him--but that's fleeting. Their 'relationship' can't last. Kara is self-destructive in her connections, Leoben could be activated at any point in time, and can Kara truly love a machine?

One theme that really hit me after writing it was the idea of fairy tales. The whole New Caprica storyline with Kara and Leoben was like a fairy tale nightmare. This story continued that--what if the Monster thought he was Prince Charming? What if no one ever comes to rescue the Princess and she has to live with the Monster forever? (Who do I feel more sorry for, the princess or the monster?)

Happily the whole lose sleep, lose weight phase of fanfic writing faded. I do think that the sense of urgency that gripped me translated to the story itself, even though I was rusty at writing. 'Prophecy' and 'Second Winter' (the other on-Earth fic I've written) have gotten the biggest reaction (measuring reaction by number of comments) of anything I've written. I'm okay with that--I like sleep and having clothes that aren't too baggy. If that means fewer comments on stories, so be it. Plus I doubt I could deliberately recreate the experience.

Stuff I think about my writing:
1) it's fun... sometimes. Occasionally when I'm writing crackfic I walk around with a goofy grin on my face. Writing more angst-filled stuff is fun too, but in a different way. And sometimes I hate everything I write and wonder why I do it.
2) a good beta-reader makes a huge difference (hail jashyr, comma-killer and canon queen!)
3) for me it's not easy but I think I'm improving (again, thanks to helpful remarks from several beta-readers)
4) comments are great, but some of my personal favorite stories received almost no comments; conversely, one of the stories I'm slightly embarrassed to have written and never cross-posted anywhere received more comments than I wanted. Heh.
5) It's hard to write the depressing stuff when I'm in a gloomy mood. Anyone else that way? And some of the funniest stuff I've written was done during really horrible (boring) days.
6) When I'm not writing anything, or I'm stuck on a story, it feels like I'll never have a good idea again.
7) I love my own story ideas *hums 'You're So Vain'* though I'm not always confident I do them justice. I reread my stories from time to time.
8) LJ has a lot of amazing BSG fanfic writers. Makes me jealous sometimes but mostly I'm just pleased to be able to read their stories.

*Yeah, I'm also the same person who never guesses the killer before the end of the mystery novel, so... kudos to you who figured it all out in advance.

**I'm not saying "Yay, Leoben, for keeping our girl captive!" My point is that those two are really watchable. She can stab him, he can play mind games... I like seeing them together onscreen. I love Kara and I have a HUGE amount of sympathy for her even when she's lashing out at everyone else, but I don't usually watch the show worried about what TPTB are going to do to her next. (Kara's not actually real, y'know...)

***Yes, Leoben is a liar. I’m gullible.

Comments

[daybreak777.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I knew this story but so many new insights!

In other words, me writing fanfic is really Joss Whedon's fault, since he trained me to believe in TV prophecies. *g*
Shoot, he trained a whole generation. Between Buffy, Angel and Xena, I was well-primed for prophecies by the time BSG came along. The prophecies always come true or else why have them there? They just come true in ways you can never predict. Knowing they come true always fills me with dread, yet I'm glad the writers make good on them. Odd, huh?

(Who do I feel more sorry for, the princess or the monster?
This is such a good question. You know Kara is my favorite but it's hard for me to put her in the role of 'princess'. In Beauty in the Beast I always felt more for the Beast, Beauty seemed a bit clueless to his pain. (Not the Disney bookworm Beauty, I liked her.) I like the dark ones. Like in Buffy, sometimes Buffy was the kickass princess and Angel was the monster. Or Faith. Or Spike. Yeah, the monsters sometimes get my sympathy. But only if they are aware that they are monsters, that they are wrong somehow. I'm not sure if Leoben has that awareness or even struggles with his wrongness. We just don't know.

2) Beta readers are awesome. They make so much difference. I still can't believe they do this for free. :-)

4) It's a great story even though you're embarassed! Hee. But I know what you mean. Recently one of my stories got good feedback though I still struggle with it. Oh well. Once out of the nest, it's everyone's to enjoy. Even if I don't.

5) Writing depressing stuff puts me in a depressing mood. And writing fluff cheers me up. Takes a few false starts though. Impossible to write cheeriness if you're truly down. Least for me. Most of my writing isn't depressing. There is usually a positive note in there somewhere.

6) I feel like I have good ideas, but like you I worry that I won't make good on them. That they won't turn out as I hope.

7) I love my ideas too! It's hard to prompt people sometimes because the best ideas, I want to write myself! (*I probably think this song is about me.*) I reread my stories all the time. First and foremost, way before I had a LJ, they were and are for me.

8) BSG fanfic is like an embarassment of riches. Knee-deep in talent, it's awesome. (Yes, if you are reading this and have written a BSG story I'm probably talking about you. :-)) I don't know if other fandoms are the same, but I've heard people involved in other fandoms say this about BSG too. Since it's my first fandom, they've set the bar high for me, even just as a reader.

I still have to do my analysis on your writing. I have never pinpointed exactly what makes reading your stories such a wonderful experience. It's such a mixture of things things that come together well. For me I think it's emotions. You are so good at creating worlds I've never seen and emotions I want the characters to feel. I want Leoben to be kind and instructive at Pataka's beach. Or nice and genuine with Jean. Racetrack to have a bit of comfort with Gaeta. Sigh. These things will never happen, will they? But it's so nice to read your writing about them. Okay, more on your fic later, it's fun to reread!

Oh, this got long! Oops.

[rose-griffes.livejournal.com]

You know Kara is my favorite but it's hard for me to put her in the role of 'princess'.

Yeah, she doesn't sit docily waiting for the prince; she's too prone to saving herself before he can arrive.
The cylons' ability to download does change the nature of the relationship a bit, eh? Princess can't save herself even if she does kill the monster.

Yeah, the monsters sometimes get my sympathy. But only if they are aware that they are monsters, that they are wrong somehow. I'm not sure if Leoben has that awareness or even struggles with his wrongness. We just don't know.

Obviously Leoben doesn't have to have that awareness of being a monster for me to feel sympathetic towards him... but we've talked about that before. Heh. And since I'm passing blame along in this post, I'll blame CKR. (He's been blamed by me before, so this is nothing new.)

Writing depressing stuff puts me in a depressing mood. And writing fluff cheers me up.

Hm. I don't think that's true of me. Instead I'm pleased when I get the depressing stuff to hit the right sad note.

I love my ideas too! It's hard to prompt people sometimes because the best ideas, I want to write myself!

The fun thing about prompts is how differently one person can perceive the beginning of a story. The more I've been writing, the more self-aware I feel as I do it, but the initial idea is still mysterious to me. Why does my brain suddenly write a story about Boomer when the prompt said nothing about her? For you, why does the word 'yellow' suddenly involve Leoben bring Kara into a projection with him?

I think an interesting fic-a-thon would be to have one prompt with as many people writing it as possible, just to see the different results. (Unfortunately I could also foresee a lot of dramatics coming out of this, so it's probably not practical.)

[daybreak777.livejournal.com]

(Third time is the charm! RL has been conspiring to get me not to respond to your post.)

Ah, I was going to make a post about writing. Why I like some of my pieces of writing and not other thing I’ve written. But it's much more fun to ramble in your journal, if you don't mind.

Instead I'm pleased when I get the depressing stuff to hit the right sad note.
Wow, we certainly differ on that score. I realized something the other night. I write about my favorite characters. Duh! I was looking at some old Kara stuff and I realize how much better I know her now. But to know her character better (difficult, yet possible with no new episodes), I had to get closer to her and so it's harder now to write the angst with her. But not impossible!

For you, why does the word 'yellow' suddenly involve Leoben bring Kara into a projection with him?
We've discussed this before that I don't like to tinker too much with the mystery. But let me see if I remember. How did I come up with projection? Well, projection confuses me and makes my brain a bit splodey. So I thought, great idea for a 100-word drabble! *g* Every word has to count but and you can’t say much. I tinkered on that drabble for a while. I’ve also been fascinated with the idea of a Cylon home world too. So why not yellow light?

I think an interesting fic-a-thon would be to have one prompt with as many people writing it as possible, just to see the different results. (Unfortunately I could also foresee a lot of dramatics coming out of this, so it's probably not practical.)
I think this is a fabulous idea! And the people who feel uncomfortable with it don’t have to participate. Maybe it’s idea for the next round at hiatusthon?

[rose-griffes.livejournal.com]

Wow, we certainly differ on that score. I realized something the other night. I write about my favorite characters. Duh! I was looking at some old Kara stuff and I realize how much better I know her now. But to know her character better (difficult, yet possible with no new episodes), I had to get closer to her and so it's harder now to write the angst with her.

I guess I always feel like there are hidden depths, so I never think I know everything about any character, not even my favorites. Though I have to admit, sometimes my own fic depresses me when it really comes together and makes me learn something new--like the Sam fic 'Broken' when I started thinking about how he might believe himself to be programmed to love Kara. That was a sad thought. So when I reread that particular piece it does color my attitude a bit. Same with Cally's story. But other pieces, not really.

We've discussed this before that I don't like to tinker too much with the mystery.

So far it doesn't matter how much I tinker with the mystery, the actual idea for the story to begin is just... unfathomable. Even as I feel more self-aware and in control of the writing of it, the first part is still mystifying.

I think this is a fabulous idea! And the people who feel uncomfortable with it don’t have to participate. Maybe it’s idea for the next round at hiatusthon?

Hm... Maybe if we set limits--like the story has to be a certain length... or maybe not, I dunno. But I think it would be fascinating, especially if the prompts were not too specific. (Like that Caprica, mist, green prompt. The fact that it wasn't necessarily character specific was fun. Or name a character and word but no parameters about what has to happen.)

heh, one of us will have to pass this idea along to Bop or siljamus. 'Cause it's not like I'm in charge of it.

[frolicndetour.livejournal.com]

I like your self-indulgent posts. ;) And now I realize I don't think I've ever read any of your fic. besides that one Racetrack drabble. So I'll have to give Prophecy a try.

** Believe me, I think all but a handful of truly crazy people understand this. Speaking of which: (Kara's not actually real, y'know...)

WHAT??? ;)

*** I thought the little girl was Kara's. When Leoben came up with the story about the little girl's path and her surrogate mother with the lovely smile I thought he must be telling the truth. So I assumed they were going to kill Kacey, because of course they couldn't saddle Kara with a kid. Of course, the truth was almost as bad!

3. I know. I so envy those people who can come up with something in a few hours from a two-word prompt and have it be good.

5. Yes! It's hard to read depressing stuff when I'm in a gloomy mood!

8. It really does.

[rose-griffes.livejournal.com]

*** I thought the little girl was Kara's. When Leoben came up with the story about the little girl's path and her surrogate mother with the lovely smile I thought he must be telling the truth. So I assumed they were going to kill Kacey, because of course they couldn't saddle Kara with a kid. Of course, the truth was almost as bad!

I was mostly-hoodwinked too... although I did have a few doubts, most of the time I did think she was Kara's. And yes, the truth was pretty horrible, and for me it's really high on the list of awful things Leoben did to Kara. (I never thought about killing the kid off, though it would make sense... yikes.)

8. It really does.
I think I have to agree with daybreak777 and say that BSG fic measures up very well when compared with other fandoms. Maybe because it has an older fanbase?

And now I realize I don't think I've ever read any of your fic. besides that one Racetrack drabble. So I'll have to give Prophecy a try.
It would surprise me if 'Prophecy' were to your liking, considering how very K/Leoben shippy it is. I've been making a list recently of most of my fic (stuff I've listed on the LJ comms, the shorter stuff I've written but not cross-posted) and it's here (http://rose-griffes.livejournal.com/48696.html). Hey, I even have a Sam fic, but it's really depressing, so...

But that does make me curious. I'm going to venture a guess that you read a lot more meta about BSG than fic. (You can tell me that I'm way off-base, it'll just make me laugh.) The fact that you have the patience to wade through pages on TWoP and the Skiffy forums are what lead me to make that supposition. And you've already mentioned that you mostly read Kara-related stuff, so you probably don't spend a lot of time reading (fic or meta) about minor characters... and for some reason my brain just loves those less-used characters when writing fic.

My favorite story of my own stuff is Nemesis (http://rose-griffes.livejournal.com/30068.html), which is about Jean Barolay meeting a copy of Leoben on Caprica. But I'll admit, most people wouldn't even remember who Jean is, much less want to read something about her... and that's okay, I really loved writing it and think it's awesome. ;-)